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家長園地

教育的「小動作」 讓孩子在理想的天空飛翔

有人說，孩子將來的那一紙文憑，最少能讓他們擁有在社會上立足的資本，不會赤手空拳地面對未來競爭愈來愈激烈的生活；有人說，孩子良好的修養、優雅的舉止，是整個家庭的廣告，即使沒有甚麼過人的本事，至少保證他們不要走上歧途；也有人說，自己一生中有太多的遺憾，夢想總被現實雨打風吹去，現在生活條件變得更優越了，絕不讓悲劇重複發生在孩子身上，要把他們塑造成自己期望的樣子。

然而，當年輕人懷揣大學畢業證書、蹣跚於求職之路時；當媒體時而報道「因嫌紗帽小，致使枷鎖抗」的人性扭曲的時候；當孩子不能成為家長理想的樣子，家長卻恨鐵不成鋼的時候……衡量質素的刻度，難道教育僅僅是實現優越的生存條件？

如何培育孩子成才　留意日常生活的小細節

望子成龍是每一個家長共同的目標，但怎樣把孩子培養成才，卻成了家長頭疼的難題。在現時科技進步的年代，教育卻變得愈來愈複雜。家長總被孩子一連串的「不可思議」搞得手足無措，在管也不對、不管也不對的循環中感到焦慮。

其實，只有親自走自己的路，才能找到自己設定的目標。教育可以在日常生活中的一些「小動作」裡完成，素質也可以在細節中培養。

有時候，成敗的關鍵不在環境，而在過程中的細節。一些教育的「小動作」，或是眼神、動作和態度，這些常常被家長忽略的細節，是一套塑造孩子成才最精緻的工具。從局部精雕細琢，在智商、財商、逆商、情商、德商、美商等多方面，為你的孩子插上翅膀，讓他們在理想的天空裡飛翔！

沒有刻板的理論知識，也沒有長篇大論的說教，只有細微的灌輸過程。授人以魚，只能解一時之饑，授人以漁，才能成為一世之本。素質教育就是交給孩子漁獵的方法，而不是僅僅給他們維持生命的糧食。這些解決本質問題的方法，就潛藏在家長平時的一言一行當中，只不過在此之前，很少有人注意到的。

品格的養成是一個循序漸進的過程，不能揠苗助長、一蹴而就，養成良好品格的過程，其實就是一個接一個定格在孩子記憶中的畫面組成的。當孩子要大擺生日宴會的時候，也許頭腦中會突然閃現母親儲存硬幣的畫面，從而讓他自覺地將銀行卡從提款機裡抽出；但也可能完全相反，如果被父親打麻將時一擲千金的畫面替代，任何苦口婆心的說教都會變得蒼白無力。

如何把素質的細節定格在孩子的腦海裡，然後在他們需要指導的時候，左右他們的行為。這是發自孩子心底的自動自覺，才是教育的精髓。

撰文：國際資優潛能研發教育機構課程總監關顯彬

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家長園地

「窮則變，變則通」放手讓孩子學會變通

中國有句說話：「養兒一百歲，長憂九十九。」這可算是道出萬千家長的心聲。天氣轉涼，您忙著為他加衣，但看到人家的孩子只穿一件單衣在跑跑跳跳，您可能又擔心他是不是穿得太暖，少了適應能力。孩子不聽話，自把自為，您當然煩惱，但假如他每件事都要問您，您可能又會擔心地說：「唉！不是教過您嗎？怎麼您總是不懂變通？」

從電影看變通力
變通力（Spontonsive Flexibility）是創意的一個元素。懂得變通，就能夠用不同的方法解決一個問題。

大家有看過這套由真人真事改編的電影「太陽神 13 號」嗎？電影其中一幕講述失控的太空船內，過濾有毒氣體的設備壞了，科學家發現要解決這個問題，就要將一個圓形的接口連接到一個方形的接口上面。大小不同的水喉也不能可靠地接上，他們卻要將圓形的接口接上去？聽起來就知道不可能吧，但假如接不上，過瀘不到有毒的氣體，三個太空人就不能活著回來！結果在彼此合作下，他們用膠袋、紙皮、膠帶等東西，將兩個不同的接口連接起來，成功解決問題。

困難是培養變通力的契機
正所謂「窮則變，變則通」，「窮」在這裡不是指「貧窮」，而是指到了盡頭，亦可說是遇到困難。在事情好像走進了死胡同的時候，只有一些另類或與別不同的方法，才可以將問題解決。

培養變通力正需要讓孩子面對難題，透過思考，嘗試用不同的方法將難題解決。其實孩子每天要面對的難題不會少，例如做數學題、做手工和砌模型等，都需要孩子解決一些難題，我們可以充分利用這些機會，培養他們的變通力。

包容孩子的想法
我們要注意，培養孩子的變通力，要有一個包容的態度，接受一些看似愚蠢的解決問題的方法。由於成人的經驗較多，其解決難題的能力會比小朋友強，因此他們有時覺得孩子想出來的方法不夠好。然而，最重要的是這些方法是孩子自己想出來的，而且亦可行。即使方法不太可行，但他們大概講得出一點道理，勉勉強強做得來便可以了。無論孩子的方法多「蠢」，每一次成功，每一次得到父母的支持，都讓他在將來更有信心解決遇到的難題。

放手讓孩子嘗試
成人想出解決問題的方法可能比孩子快，為此我們要讓孩子有足夠的時間去想辦法和嘗試，不要急於將自己的想法告訴他，不然他就少了一次自己解決難題的機會，也就是少了一次進步的機會。父母要放手讓孩子自己面對困難，「窮則變」，在過多的協助下就不會「窮」，「變」的動機也就減弱了。

做父母就是有這個難處，幫得太多或擔心孩子不懂自己解決問題，幫得太少又擔心他追不上別人，而且每天要處理的事情這麼多，又那有時間讓孩子慢慢地完成每天要完成的事情？不過，有些時候，譬如在假日，我們就真的要考慮將生活的節奏減慢下來，讓孩子多處理自己的事情，學習以自己的方法解決困難，發展變通力。

撰文：激活英文小學羅煦鈞校長

 

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家長園地

成為孩子安全的依附對象 親子互動尤其重要

俗語有云「三歲定八十」，西方亦有 “The future is now” 的說法，可見中外父母都有相關的育兒經驗，認為幼年時期是塑造孩子健康成長的黃金階段。很多父母都明白自己是影響孩子成長的關鍵人物，孩子會耳濡目染，所以自己要以身作則，從少開始管教他們。筆者認為父母都把焦點放在管教子女的行為上，而近代醫學、科學、心理學和幼兒發展的研究之中，均指出父母與子女的互動和關係才是影響子女成長的基礎。

「依附理論」研究清楚告訴我們，早於孩子在 0 – 18 個月，父母或主要照料者，已跟孩子形成一個影響一生的關係模式，將會承傳一生。安穩的依附關係一旦建立，就好像建立了一個安全基地，可以有效面對日後動盪不安的處境和建立美滿家庭關係的能力。相反，一旦建立不安全的關係模式，對嬰兒日後的成長，情緒處理和家庭關係都會帶來負面影響。

安全的依附關係
能否建立安穩的依附關係模式，關鍵在於孩子在 0 – 18 個月時，家長們可以根據以下建議建立安全的依附關係︰

  • 可經常親近孩子，特別是在孩子有需要的時候，例如哭泣時會見到父母在安慰自己，讓孩子知道您常在他們身邊。
  • 在親子關係投入情感，令孩子知道您喜歡跟他們在一起，對他們有興趣，而不會老是專注自己的工作。所以父母需要不時與子女玩耍，增加親子互動和交流。
  • 父母能夠敏銳回應孩子的情感需要，因為孩子不單只是需要您滿足他們身體温飽的需要，而是更加需要您去關心他們的情緒，幫助他們表達和回應，尤其是負面情緒。當子女手舞足蹈或笑嘻嘻時，您會幫他們說︰「BB好開心！好興奮啊！」當孩子不安或哭泣時，您會抱起他們，並給予保護和安慰；當他們長大些的時候，會有更複雜的情緒，例如擔心、害怕、憤怒、挫敗和羞愧，家長更需要鼓勵和幫助孩子表達，縱使他們的負面情緒可能跟您們有關，亦要給予一定程度的肯定和疏導。

不安全的依附關係
筆者處理不少家庭個案，孩子們都是聰明乖巧和成績優異，卻在情緒上受到很大的困擾，他們的父母認為自己以身作則，愛惜孩子和踏實工作，不明白孩子怎麼會有情緒問題？倘若他們細心觀察自己與子女的「依附關係模式」，看看自己和子女是否經常親近、情感是否投入，以及能否滿足孩子的情感需要，就會不難找到問題的核心所在，從而幫助父母與子女重建安全的依附關係，讓孩子得到依賴，建立成長的基礎。

撰文：家庭動力個人、婚姻及家庭治療師呂淑晶女士

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Parents Zone

Become a secure attachment for your child.Parent-child interaction is especially important

There is a Chinese saying “the age of three determines 80” and the West has another saying “The future is now”.It is clear that both Chinese and foreign parents have relevant parenting experience and believe that the early years are the golden age for shaping the healthy growth of their children. Many parents understand that they are the key influencers of their children’s growth, and that their children will learn by example, so they have to set an example and start to discipline them at a young age.

I believe that parents focus on disciplining their children’s behavior, but recent studies in medicine, science, psychology, and early childhood development all point to the interaction and relationship between parents and children as the foundation for their children’s development.

“Attachment Theory research clearly shows that as early as 0-18 months of age, a parent or primary caregiver forms a lifelong relationship pattern with the child that will be passed on for the rest of the child’s life. Once a secure attachment relationship is established, it is like a secure base that can be effective in dealing with future turbulent situations and in building the ability to have a successful family relationship.

Conversely, once an insecure relationship pattern is established, it can have a negative impact on an infant’s future growth, emotional processing, and family relationships.

Secure Attachment
The key to establishing a secure attachment pattern is for parents to establish a secure attachment when their child is 0-18 months old. Parents can build secure attachments based on the following suggestions

 ~ Be close to your child often, especially when they need it, such as when they cry and see their parents comforting them so that they know you are always there for them. 
~ Invest emotionally in the parent-child relationship so that your child knows that you enjoy spending time with them and are interested in them, rather than being preoccupied with your own work. So parents need to play with their children from time to time to increase parent-child  nteraction and communication.

~ Parents are sensitive to their children’s emotional needs because children need you not only to meet their physical needs but also to care about their emotions and help them express and respond to them, especially negative emotions. When your child is dancing or smiling, you will help them say, “My baby is so happy! I’m so excited!” When your child is upset or crying, you will pick them up and offer protection and comfort. As they grow older, they will have more complex emotions, such as worry, fear, anger, frustration, and shame, and parents need to encourage and help their children express them, even though their negative emotions may have something to do with them.

Insecure Attachment
I have handled many cases in which the children are smart and well-behaved and have excellent academic  performance, but they are very disturbed emotionally. Their parents think they are leading by example, loving their children and working hard, but they do not understand how their children can have emotional problems. If they look closely at the “attachment pattern” between themselves and their children to see if they are always close to their children, if they are emotionally involved, and if they can meet their children’s  emotional needs, it will be easy to find the core of the problem and help parents rebuild a secure attachment relationship with their children so that they can rely on them and build a foundation for growth.

Written By: Ms. Lui Shuk Jing, Family Dynamics Personal, Marriage and  Family  Therapist

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Lastest News

The Result for Drawing Competition for RLK 50th Anniversary

Open Section
Champion ~ Woo Sze Yuet
First runner up – Chow Yee Ching
Second runner up ~ Yip Ping TIng

Students Categories
Champion ~ Yeung Hoi Ki
First runner up ~ Chan Shum Wing
Second runner up ~ Lee Shing Hei

Congratulations to all of you

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Lastest News

Parents reminded to choose primary schools

Children who have joined the Primary One Admission (POA) System for 2021 but have not yet secured a discretionary place can take part in the Central Allocation process by making their choice of schools on either January 30 (Saturday) or January 31 (Sunday).

     “By participating in Central Allocation, these students will be allocated a government or aided primary school place,” a spokesman for the Education Bureau (EDB) said today (January 25).

     “The School Places Allocation Section of the bureau has sent letters to the parents concerned inviting them to make their choice of schools at a specified Central Allocation Centre at an assigned time slot from 9.30am to 12.30pm and from 1.30pm to 4.30pm on January 30 and from 9.30am to 12.30pm on January 31.

     “Parents who have not yet received the invitation letter from the EDB should call the School Places Allocation Section at 2832 7700 as soon as possible.

     “In light of the latest epidemic developments of COVID-19, to reduce the gathering of people and maintain social distancing, the bureau will arrange for the parents of applicant children to make school choices at the Central Allocation Centres in different time slots on the dates specified above according to the applicant children’s POA application number. Parents are requested to follow the instructions of the letter and make their choice of schools at the Central Allocation Centre within the specified time slot on the specified date. Parents who cannot make school choices within the specified time slot can go to the designated Central Allocation Centre from 1.30pm to 4.30pm on January 31 to proceed with the related procedures. The bureau has also arranged to send the Choice of Schools Form together with the letter for parents to fill in in advance to reduce their length of stay at the Central Allocation Centre.

     “If parents are under compulsory quarantine or other related measures and are unable to make school choices in person or through their authorised representatives at the Central Allocation Centre on the specified date, they may contact the School Places Allocation Section (hotline at 2832 7700) for appropriate assistance.

     “Apart from the above, in view of the immigration control implemented amidst the epidemic, should individual parents of applicant children who intend to commute daily to schools in Hong Kong or parents who are outside Hong Kong be unable to go to the Central Allocation Centre to make school choices in person, they could authorise in writing a representative to bring the completed Choice of Schools Form and the Letter of Authorisation to proceed with the related procedures. If parents are not able to make school choices in person or through their authorised representatives, they could arrange to return the duly completed form by post to the EDB’s School Places Allocation Section on or before January 31.”

     Parents who have recently moved or have plans to move in the near future are required to inform the School Places Allocation Section as soon as possible so that they can make school choices in the POA School Net where their new home is located. Parents should fill in the actual residential address of their child. If a false address is given by parents to secure a Primary One (P1) place for their child, the application will be rendered void and the P1 place allocated will be withdrawn.

     The bureau has put in place a monitoring mechanism to verify the residential addresses of children as given by the parents. Random checks of applicant children’s addresses are also being stepped up. The public are encouraged to report suspected cases of individuals using a false address to the School Places Allocation Section by calling the hotline at 2832 7700. As in previous years, the bureau will take appropriate action against false address cases.

     For information about the procedures for Central Allocation, parents may call the bureau’s 24-hour automatic telephone enquiry service at 2891 0088.

     Central Allocation is composed of two parts. Part A, which takes up 10 per cent of the P1 places earmarked for Central Allocation, is for unrestricted school choices. Parents can choose up to three government or aided primary schools in any school nets. Part B takes up the remaining 90 per cent of the P1 places earmarked for Central Allocation. Parents of applicant children residing in the school net concerned are to select schools from the “Choice of Schools List for Central Allocation” of their school net, while parents of applicant children who intend to commute daily to schools in Hong Kong are to select schools from the “Choice of Schools List for Central Allocation (For Applicant Children who intend to commute daily to schools in Hong Kong)”. Parents should fill in the Choice of Schools Form in the order of their preference.

     The computer-programmed Central Allocation will first process the school choices in Part A and then the school choices in Part B. The allocation process basically follows the parents’ choice. For oversubscribed schools, the order of priority in allocating P1 places will be determined by random numbers generated by the computer for individual applications. This is to ensure fairness to all applicant children.

     For applications for participation in POA 2021 after January 31, parents need to complete the necessary procedures with the School Places Allocation Section of the bureau. The bureau will separately arrange P1 places for the applicant children this June.

     In the event of adverse weather or other special conditions on any day(s) during the period of making school choices, please pay heed to radio or television announcements on any special arrangements.

     The results of Central Allocation for POA 2021 will be sent to parents by post from June 2 to June 3. Parents wishing to receive the results of Central Allocation of their applicant children via SMS message on June 2 may provide a mobile phone number on the Choice of Schools Form and indicate their consent to receive the results via this mobile phone number.
 Ends/Monday, January 25, 2021
Issued at HKT 19:53